Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
