I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
