I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
