His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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