If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
