after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
