I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
