Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
