New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Terrible idea I love it
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
