What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
