Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
