did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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