do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
