I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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