It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
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