She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
