Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
