I accidentally had phone sex last night
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
