Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
