i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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