does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
