from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
