i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
