Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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