K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
