Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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