look no pants
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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