You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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