I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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