Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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