Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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