Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
