Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
