I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
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