She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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