did you get engaged???
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
