Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
