I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
