the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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