No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
