I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
