We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
