I'm gonna have a badass scar
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
