at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
