I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
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