you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
is wine microwaveable?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
