He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
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