good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
