Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
