At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
My butt remains clenched, sir.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
