I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
