Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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