she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
