if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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