I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
