i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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