We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
