youre lurking in front of me
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize