I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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