so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
