Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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