Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
