My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
