I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
