my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
