Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
