I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize