im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
