To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
