In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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